You Don’t Have to Heal to Find True Love *
* Plus the REAL Reason You Haven’t Found It Yet
I’ve read so many features on finding love I could (and probably should) write the book at this point. As a work-for-hire writer, I can be a tad mercenary but on doling out love advice, I think what I have to say is a public service announcement. My commentary is a personal one based on over six decades living on the planet.
Here’s the thing: Love doesn’t really care, even quality soul-mate love, if you are healed or otherwise woke. Unlike the rest of us, Love is far less judgmental and it can be simple-minded in its fairness. Agreed, the chances of finding quality or soulmate love are higher if you are more self-aware because then that inner shopping list and emotional instinct we all are blessed with is more honed and that is a wonderful romantic North Star GPS. But honestly? Love could care less about you being ‘healed’ or otherwise perfect because it’s a heat seeking missile that just goes after the pure wonderful essence in all of us.
I used to worry that my ‘attachment style’ would draw or repel a love interest until I realized — when it was right, the right person would come along and we could both work through our troublesome bits. I still believe that.
Then’s there’s the problem a lot of us have of taking love advice from social media gurus and other folks (self-help authors) who have found love once and forever due to a plethora of vision boards and romantic feng shui, wrote a bestseller or launched a series of YouTube advice or did a Ted Talk. These people who claim to have the answer to your search are not the expert of YOU. You’re the expert of you. No one has the one-stop fits all love advice so don’t give your power away and think you have to follow their rules which always involves some degree of self healing projects and ‘making room’. So stop trying to self-help yourself to perfection. I mean, I’ve done a fair bit of that as well and it’s always a fun DIY project but it’s not a prerequisite.
Love cares naught about timing or circumstances. It finds you or doesn’t find you (i.e. your time table and preference) as it likes. It’s quirky that way and that’s the joy and mystery of Love. It’s not just a psychological thing; to a great extent, it’s a mystical and holy thing, especially soulmate love, never mind simple, old, loving compatibility.
Sure, ‘working on yourself’ is helpful and a great ‘meanwhile’ thing you’re more able to focus on when you’re flying solo. I mean, when else will you have such unadulterated me time to focus on that stuff. More to the point, no one goes away from having done inner work without finding much benefit and a better way to go through life. But it’s not the anecdote to your luck with love, besides which, you can work on yourself all you want and the job is never finished. There is no cut-off point to healing like a light switch; we are on-going works in progress. Love is not the reward for looking inward or making healing, forgiving and compassion work your new day job. It’s part of the whole swirling journey.
And now the ***: Why You Haven’t Found It Yet
Here’s asterisk part of my click bait title to this bit of writing but my aerisks are sincere. Here goes: the real reason Love has eluded you is (this is landmark, wait for it): You Haven’t Met the Right Person Yet. It would be nice if that happened on time (i.e. your time) but sometimes it doesn’t. When it does happen trust me, time expands, regret disappears in a mist and all you have is love at your doorstep and a whole lot of gratitude. And you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that every single step you’ve taken in seemingly wrong directions was as master plan in a custom-made map that brought you to where you are.
And last, sometimes we heal 90% on our own, that last 10%? Love is that finishing touch. But Love doesn’t care where you are on your journey and when it comes, unexpectedly, out of the blue, please don’t send it packing saying: I’m not healed yet. K? Let Love (and that other person) decide.
So, get better, brush up on better habits, dust the furniture, meditate and drink wheat grass juice and journal your inner child into oblivion and then buy yourself roses: Love is on the way.